Advice from a Recovering Benefit of the Doubt Giver


I’m a recovering benefit of the doubt giver. 
I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt more often than I should have.
I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt even after my spidey sense had perked up, made me pause and think–wait…what?
I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt even when they clearly weren’t being kind or didn’t share my values. 
Why?
Because I’m also a recovering people pleaser. 
Let’s just say these two traits haven’t always been a winning combination for me.
So, I’m in recovery.
I was set on this recovery path by a quote I recently discovered from Maya Angelou:

When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time.”

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When I Fight Reality, Reality Always Wins

In The Authority song, John Mellencamp sings,

When I fight authority, authority always wins.”

Although that may be true for him, what I know for sure is that when I fight reality, reality always wins.

When I fight the way my body looks
When I fight the truth about a relationship
When I fight the way people really are
When I fight what my situation looks like…it’s a losing battle.

When I fight reality, I suffer. Because when I fight reality, reality always wins.

So in this new year, my goal is to stop fighting reality and instead to see and accept things as they are without judgement. I cannot force people or situations into being anything different than they are at this point in time. Maya Angelou’s wise statement, “When people show you who they are you have to believe them,” can be applied to any situation. I have to believe and accept the reality of both who people are and the way things currently are.