Back in September, I wrote a post about times when I get tugged back into an old familiar pain. It could be triggered by a photo I see on social media or by meeting someone who reminds me of someone who’s caused me hurt. Something about the photo or the person tugs me back into an old familiar pain. I feel a sting and a wave of grief washes over me.
A painful event happened this weekend that in the past would have caused a wave of sorrow. But this time, what I felt was anger. What I saw caused me to raise both middle fingers in the air, which were accompanied by several slightly audible f-bombs.
I should note, I didn’t express this to the person directly. I ducked into the bathroom first.
I was in a difficult situation this week. I won’t go into details right now because the experience is still too raw and emotional. I will say it happened on a hike that required a rescue team. I guess my companion and I took my word for the year–explore–a bit too far.
In the children’s book “My Many Colored Days”, Dr. Seuss connects the way his energy and feelings change each day to different colors. He writes, “Some days are yellow. Some days are blue. On different days, I’m different too.”
This idea of connecting feelings to colors resonates with me. I believe colors have personalities. They each have their own unique energy. From the springing to life chartreuse green of sprouting leaves to the calm warmth of an apricot pink sunset, colors evoke a variety feelings in me. Each one carries its own qualities and characteristics.
To all the moms out there And to my mother and sister in particular Who do their best everyday To make the world a better place One child at a time I say I see you I see the good work you’re doing And with much love and gratitude I thank you
My son and I have spent the last few weekends re-watching all the Harry Potter movies. As often happens when I re-watch a movie or reread a book, there’ll be someone or something that stands out in a new way. Life experiences often bring about a new frame of reference and something I didn’t understand before will now make sense.
As Brian McLaren says. “Some things simply can’t be seen from where I am right now. But if I keep growing, maturing, and developing, someday I will be able to see what is now inaccessible to me. ”
My sister recently shared an email with me that was from a consultant she follows named Ritu. In the email, Ritu talks about reframing our thoughts on love and the different ways it may show up in our lives. She included a quote from Bishop Jakes that went something like this:
“We expect to find the love we want in the packages we want it to be in. But the Universe sends us the love we need, often in packages we might not expect.”
It was a timely email to read because I’ve been thinking lately about sharing how love arrived on my doorstep last fall in a package I hadn’t been expecting.
Recently, I discovered a parable shared by Thich Nhat Hanh in his book How To Relax. It goes something like this:
“The Buddha was having a silent lunch with his monks in the woods. A farmer came hurrying by and asked if they had seen his cows, which had left him that morning. It appeared the farmer was suffering greatly. The Buddha, upon seeing how distraught the farmer was, compassionately told the farmer they had not seen his cows. Once the farmer left, the Buddha turned to his monks and said, “Dear monks, you are very lucky. You don’t have any cows to lose.”