Last summer, I made an expensive mistake. I was itching to get something done and instead of pausing to make sure I was doing the right thing, I reacted to my itch.
My mistake cost me a lot of money. Since then, I’ve hired someone to fix my error. I’ve put my trust in him. He knows what he’s doing and he’s waiting patiently for the right moment to do the right thing. When all this happened, my brother told me I was in Ready-Fire-Aim mode. I fired away without taking the time to aim.
I realize now I’ve lived parts of my life this way. I don’t take the time to aim before I fire and I end up in situations where I look around and think “Damn! How do I get myself out of this one?”
At the beginning of 2020, I wrote a post about no longer fighting reality and instead accepting the way things are. I’ve been thinking how ironic it is that I posted this just before COVID hit. Like my post, When the Rubber Hits the Road, once again, I’ve had to practice what I preach.
COVID is a hard reality to accept. It has made a number of things difficult, one of which for me is dating. With positive cases on the rise again, I suspect places will shut down as they did in the spring and I dread facing the winter alone. I’ve made some strong efforts to find someone, but as hard as I try, it hasn’t happened. My mind then goes into fear mode that maybe I will never find someone. The uncertainty of it all makes me push harder, putting myself on more dating apps and reaching out to more and more guys on them. I feel myself fighting to find someone.
And then as I was on my way to work the other day, I heard these lyrics from the song “Drive” by Incubus:
“Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear Take the wheel and steer”
Yesterday morning, as I read through profiles on a dating app, there was someone who wrote in his bio “music and laughter are the sticks that stir my soul.” I absolutely love this imagery—the sticks that stir my soul—and would add the sticks are also what lights a fire within us. I paused to ponder what my sticks would be and settled on dancing, biking through the woods, and watching the daily play of the sunlight.
Ever notice when you find the right mug–one where the character and quality feel really good–it can positively enhance your coffee or tea experience?
I’ve discovered the same is true for finding the right person. Not that finding the right person will only enhance our coffee or tea experience, but all of life’s experiences as well. And the right person must feel good from the start, just the way they are.
I’ve learned this lesson about the similarities between finding the right mug and finding the right person the hard way by mistakes I’ve made in the past.
Song lyrics often speak to me like a voice from above. During difficult times, their words both soothe and encourage me. They often have a way of expressing what I am feeling much more poetically that I ever could.
Over the past few months, a few things have happened that have been particularly difficult for me, which brought to mind the lyrics from the song “Every Breaking Wave” by U2. I’ve made an attempt here to weave them into my own writing. I’m not sure if what I’ve written will only make sense to me. If you have any helpful comments, please leave them below. I welcome your thoughts.
“Every breaking wave On the shore Tells the next one There’ll be one more”
Grief is an odd thing. I feel good and strong one day and the next it hits me like a wave. Grief’s strong current pulls me back in. I don’t think it ever really goes away. It just recedes for a while. Lurking. Waiting. Then, when I least expect it, it comes crashing in.
Do you ever find when you give advice about something, you’re often then put into a situation to practice what you preach?
Happens to me all the time.
So, a little while after I posted Getting Still about the fear based stories our minds create and how to filter them with Love to get to the truth, I was confronted with something to practice this new way of being.
For the summer that wasn’t, the months seemed to fly by fast. Now that fall is upon us, I’ve been thinking how back in January, I had planned a fall trip to Europe with friends. We would have been flying out next month. Of course, with everything going on, the trip was postponed.
I was so looking forward to it.
But instead of dwelling on what I can’t do, I’ve decided to come up with something different I can do–something I can look forward to doing this fall.
So I ask you, what is something you are looking forward to doing this fall?
After spending over a year on the dating app Bumble, I’ve decided to call it quits for awhile. I’ve deleted the app from my phone and am now using the time I spent swiping, chatting and meeting people to focus on other things.
As I look back and review my time spent on the app, songs always have a way of bubbling up in my head to characterize the experience. In addition to my post, 7 Songs for 7 Months on Bumble, here are 7 more songs that capture the final few months: