Taking the Time to Aim

Last summer, I made an expensive mistake. I was itching to get something done and instead of pausing to make sure I was doing the right thing, I reacted to my itch.

My mistake cost me a lot of money. Since then, I’ve hired someone to fix my error. I’ve put my trust in him. He knows what he’s doing and he’s waiting patiently for the right moment to do the right thing. When all this happened, my brother told me I was in Ready-Fire-Aim mode. I fired away without taking the time to aim.

I realize now I’ve lived parts of my life this way. I don’t take the time to aim before I fire and I end up in situations where I look around and think “Damn! How do I get myself out of this one?”

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A Curious Question #5: What’s The Color Of Your Life Right Now?

Photo credit: Wyatt Furois

Every once in awhile, I come across a thought provoking bio on the dating app I use. Recently, I matched with someone who wrote,

 “There is so much more to life than the limited perspective that things must be black or white. I want to embrace the grey and all the other colors of life.”

This man happens to be in a bit of a pickle right now, separated from his wife emotionally but living with her due to a complicated medical situation. It’s a hard place to be and I don’t completely understand it yet. But what I do know is that life is often not black or white. Life is often a shade of grey or another color in between. 

Our minds often want to pick sides and to be right in our choice. But sometimes there’s a bit of right on both sides. And sometimes we may find the best way is a color in between–a middle way. If we can see things with our heart instead of our mind, we begin to understand and embrace all the colors of life we find ourselves and others to be living in.

So, I asked him what he considers the color of his life to be right now. He replied that it felt like the golden yellow of fall. He’s in the process of shedding leaves and moving on to something new. I love that visual. Sounds so much more beautiful than the limited perspective of black and white, doesn’t it?

Life is best lived in technicolor. 

So, today I ask you–what’s the color of your life right now? Please share below. I’d love to read your response.

Don’t Let Fear Take the Wheel and Steer

At the beginning of 2020, I wrote a post about no longer fighting reality and instead accepting the way things are. I’ve been thinking how ironic it is that I posted this just before COVID hit. Like my post, When the Rubber Hits the Road, once again, I’ve had to practice what I preach.

COVID is a hard reality to accept. It has made a number of things difficult, one of which for me is dating. With positive cases on the rise again, I suspect places will shut down as they did in the spring and I dread facing the winter alone. I’ve made some strong efforts to find someone, but as hard as I try, it hasn’t happened. My mind then goes into fear mode that maybe I will never find someone. The uncertainty of it all makes me push harder, putting myself on more dating apps and reaching out to more and more guys on them. I feel myself fighting to find someone.

And then as I was on my way to work the other day, I heard these lyrics from the song Drive by Incubus:

“Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer”

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A Curious Question #4: What are the sticks that stir your soul?

Yesterday morning, as I read through profiles on a dating app, there was someone who wrote in his bio “music and laughter are the sticks that stir my soul.” I absolutely love this imagery—the sticks that stir my soul—and would add the sticks are also what lights a fire within us. I paused to ponder what my sticks would be and settled on dancing, biking through the woods, and watching the daily play of the sunlight.

How about you?

What are the sticks that stir your soul?

I invite you to share them with me.

Finding the Right Person is Like Finding the Right Mug

Ever notice when you find the right mug–one where the character and quality feel really good–it can positively enhance your coffee or tea experience?

I’ve discovered the same is true for finding the right person. Not that finding the right person will only enhance our coffee or tea experience, but all of life’s experiences as well. And the right person must feel good from the start, just the way they are.

I’ve learned this lesson about the similarities between finding the right mug and finding the right person the hard way by mistakes I’ve made in the past.

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The Tug Back into that Old Familiar Pain

Song lyrics often speak to me like a voice from above. During difficult times, their words both soothe and encourage me. They often have a way of expressing what I am feeling much more poetically that I ever could.

Over the past few months, a few things have happened that have been particularly difficult for me, which brought to mind the lyrics from the song “Every Breaking Wave” by U2. I’ve made an attempt here to weave them into my own writing. I’m not sure if what I’ve written will only make sense to me. If you have any helpful comments, please leave them below. I welcome your thoughts.

“Every breaking wave
On the shore
Tells the next one
There’ll be one more” 

Grief is an odd thing. I feel good and strong one day and the next it hits me like a wave. Grief’s strong current pulls me back in. I don’t think it ever really goes away.
It just recedes for a while. 
Lurking.
Waiting. 
Then, when I least expect it, it comes crashing in.

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When the Rubber Hits the Road (aka Practicing What I Preach)

Do you ever find when you give advice about something, you’re often then put into a situation to practice what you preach?

Happens to me all the time.

So, a little while after I posted Getting Still about the fear based stories our minds create and how to filter them with Love to get to the truth, I was confronted with something to practice this new way of being.

Here’s what happened.

Although I’m not on Facebook very much, I still get email notices about friend’s activities. Someone had tagged me in a photo, so naturally I got curious and logged in to see what was posted. And, as it usually happens with Facebook, I was lured in to scroll down and see what other people were up to. 

And that’s when I saw a video that triggered me. 

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A Curious Question #3: What is something you are looking forward to doing this fall?

For the summer that wasn’t, the months seemed to fly by fast. Now that fall is upon us, I’ve been thinking how back in January, I had planned a fall trip to Europe with friends. We would have been flying out next month. Of course, with everything going on, the trip was postponed.

I was so looking forward to it.

But instead of dwelling on what I can’t do, I’ve decided to come up with something different I can do–something I can look forward to doing this fall.

So I ask you, what is something you are looking forward to doing this fall?

7 More Songs for the Last Few Months on Bumble

Photo credit: Sanita Kalnite

After spending over a year on the dating app Bumble, I’ve decided to call it quits for awhile. I’ve deleted the app from my phone and am now using the time I spent swiping, chatting and meeting people to focus on other things.

As I look back and review my time spent on the app, songs always have a way of bubbling up in my head to characterize the experience. In addition to my post, 7 Songs for 7 Months on Bumble, here are 7 more songs that capture the final few months:

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Transformation Happens Through our Holey Places

We humans are a holey bunch.

We all have holes in us–places that are broken or wounded, places of suffering and pain. These holes come from all difficult things that have happened in our lives. 

Betrayals.

Disappointments.

Illnesses.

Hurts. 

Unmet needs.

On some level, we all know these holes exist, but most of us do not want to acknowledge them, because acknowledging them is painful. It’s hard and messy and ugly. 

So instead of acknowledging the holes, we hide them. 

We cover them up. 

We ignore them.

We numb ourselves and hope they will go away.

Some of us numb our holes with unhealthy things like drugs, drinking too much, overeating or binge TV watching.  Others numb them in ways that seem healthy on the surface–like excessive exercising–but this is just another form of covering them up. My method of choice was busyness. Just keep doing stuff and the holes will go away.

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