How a No-Show Showed Me What I Want

For me, some of the most effective learning takes place by contrast. I see the right path when I’m on the wrong one. I see what would be best for me when I’m in a situation that’s not the best. 

And this week, I saw what I want while waiting for what I don’t want. 

Since the planet Mercury is now in retrograde, which is apparently a time for “re” things like revisit and review, I decided to retry the dating app Bumble. Although I’m grateful and happy that love showed up on my doorstep last fall in the form of my son, ultimately I want a partner.

I was only on the app for about a week when I saw someone I had connected with a year and a half ago. We’d met a few times back then, but he decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship. This time he seemed a step closer. Maybe we could renew the connection?

He suggested we meet for a drink. We found a restaurant that offered limited reservation-only seating. He said he’d call to save a spot and confirmed the time and location with me twice.

Everything sounded good.

I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early and sent a quick “I’m here” text. I didn’t hear back and assumed he was probably driving. So I went into the restaurant. When I asked for our table at the hostess stand, she didn’t have a reservation under his name.

Hmmm.

Luckily, she did have something opening within 10-15 minutes. I put my name in.

As I sat there waiting, I noticed a couple having what looked like a nice conversation. I smiled thinking that I’d be doing the same thing soon with Mr. Bumble.

But fifteen minutes went by and I still hadn’t heard from him. I messaged him again. “You coming?”

Crickets.

Our table was now ready, but I held off. I stood there thinking about what to do. Mr. Bumble was turning into Mr. No-Show. I stood there feeling resentful that I’d left my warm place on a cold night for someone who clearly had no intention of showing up.

What was I doing here? As I stood there contemplating, I noticed the happy couple putting on their coats and getting ready to leave. 

Then an odd thing happened. 

Mr. Nice Couple left the restaurant and she sat back down on the barstool. What was going on? Why didn’t she leave with him?

I had to watch this play out. 

A few minutes later, a car pulled up into the parking lot. Mr. Nice Couple popped out of the car and started walking towards the vestibule. I looked over and saw Ms. Nice Couple smile and jump up as she saw him approaching. Their car must have been parked a few blocks away and he’d gone out to get it and pick her up.

What a gentleman.

It was an aha moment. I wasn’t at the restaurant to meet Mr. No Show. I was there to be shown what I want.

I want someone that does kind things. Someone that makes a reservation and shows up. Someone that goes out to get the car on a cold night.

My resentment quickly turned into gratitude. I smiled and said a silent thank you. In waiting for Mr. No-Show I’d been reminded of what I want. I want a Mr. Nice Guy. This Mercury retrograde is a time to remember just that.

And seeing that happy couple gave me hope that I’m one step closer to finding him.