At the beginning of 2020, I wrote a post about no longer fighting reality and instead accepting the way things are. I’ve been thinking how ironic it is that I posted this just before COVID hit. Like my post, When the Rubber Hits the Road, once again, I’ve had to practice what I preach.
COVID is a hard reality to accept. It has made a number of things difficult, one of which for me is dating. With positive cases on the rise again, I suspect places will shut down as they did in the spring and I dread facing the winter alone. I’ve made some strong efforts to find someone, but as hard as I try, it hasn’t happened. My mind then goes into fear mode that maybe I will never find someone. The uncertainty of it all makes me push harder, putting myself on more dating apps and reaching out to more and more guys on them. I feel myself fighting to find someone.
And then as I was on my way to work the other day, I heard these lyrics from the song Drive by Incubus:
“Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer”
As so often happens for me, these song lyrics spoke like a voice from the divine. I’m letting the fear of uncertainty take the wheel and steer. Fear is driving me to try harder and harder. And I think the voice is trying to tell me something.
Don’t let fear be your driver.
I know this means I need to let go of fear and instead trust that things will happen when they are supposed to happen, but right now I feel like a frustrated child. The song playing in my head sounds like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, singing. “I want a golden egg NOW!” Argh!
But I know when I fight reality, reality always wins. And fighting the way things are only leads to frustration and suffering.
Deepak Chopra writes:
To resist or flow with life in every moment are the only choices we have.
One is suffering.
The other, joy.
When we are in flow with life and trust divine timing, we not only find joy, we also find that things fall into place without a lot of effort. It’s not that we do nothing and things work out, rather the steps we take have a synchronistic quality to them. Things seem to happen that are a perfect fit for us. They might not be exactly what we imagined, but they are good.
This happened for me when I decided to move out and separate from my former husband. I made the decision to leave, found a good apartment and the furniture I needed without a lot of effort. Various friends had furniture to lend me and it all worked out just right. I knew then I had made the right decision at the right time. Conversely, when we are in fear mode and resist the flow, there are often roadblocks. Our efforts seem to lead nowhere and we suffer.
So I’ve decided to change the song in my head from Veruca Salt to Bono in the band U2 and these lyrics from the song Zoo Station:
“I’m ready for the shuffle
Ready for the deal
Ready to let go of the steering wheel”
In order to be in flow with life and on the path of joy, we need to let go of the steering wheel.
To no longer let the fear of uncertainty be our driver.
To trust divine timing and that things will happen when they are supposed to happen.
I will admit it can be hard to sit with uncertainty. And the thought of letting go of the wheel makes me feel like I’m out of control.
But maybe that’s exactly the point.
When we are driven by fear and try to control things, we meet resistance and suffer. It can actually be felt as tension in our bodies. And when we shift to letting go, the tension fades. It’s a release that feels a bit like relief. It feels, as Cynthia Bourgeault writes,
You are neither imposing nor resisting, but simply present, flowing in oneness with whatever is. You are the dancer at one with the dance.
By letting go, we allow hands of the divine to take the wheel.
And that’s a good place to be because the divine has the roadmap. Trust it knows where we need to be and how and when we will get there.