Ever notice when you find the right mug–one where the character and quality feel really good–it can positively enhance your coffee or tea experience?
I’ve discovered the same is true for finding the right person. Not that finding the right person will only enhance our coffee or tea experience, but all of life’s experiences as well. And the right person must feel good from the start, just the way they are.
I’ve learned this lesson about the similarities between finding the right mug and finding the right person the hard way by mistakes I’ve made in the past.
When I got married, I didn’t understand that the man I was marrying was already like a formed mug. I mistakenly thought he was still clay. That with enough coaxing, enough patience, enough encouragement I could mold him into the type of partner I needed. This may sound like I wanted to change him and maybe that’s true. I thought I was working to develop characteristics and qualities I needed in the relationship and that this took time and energy. But I now see that I was trying to work with him like he was still clay.
So, yes, I guess I was trying to change him. But it’s false thinking on my part to believe that’s even possible. And even worse, I wasn’t accepting him for who he was.
I now see how wrong and hurtful this mistake was to make.
Because all of us are like mugs that have already been put into the kiln. No amount of effort on anyone’s part is ever going to undo the firing process. We may be able to add on a nice image or thoughtful slogan, but under it all, we will always be the same mug. The character and qualities of our mug will not change. And any additions can only be applied by ourselves, meaning they must come from within us and be something we want for ourselves. They cannot be applied by another person.
What I’ve come to learn is that we must understand and accept a person for the mug they already are. Once we’ve done that, we then need to decide if that person is a good fit for us. To see if their mug’s character and qualities feel good to us. To see if the mug of who a person is enhances our life experiences.
We must find a person who feels good from the start. Because relationships work out best when we are understood, loved and accepted for the mug we already are.