After spending over a year on the dating app Bumble, I’ve decided to call it quits for awhile. I’ve deleted the app from my phone and am now using the time I spent swiping, chatting and meeting people to focus on other things.
As I look back and review my time spent on the app, songs always have a way of bubbling up in my head to characterize the experience. In addition to my post, 7 Songs for 7 Months on Bumble, here are 7 more songs that capture the final few months:
“Pictures Of You” by The Cure
What would Bumble be without it’s pictures?! I’ve seen some great photos and some doozies–some I can’t unsee. But when it comes to photos, what struck me most was how just about everyone I met was more attractive in person than in their photos. I think it’s partially because people don’t often pick the best photos of themselves and could benefit from having a friend help take and pick better photos. But mostly I think it’s because a person’s personality is such a huge part of what makes them attractive and photos can only provide a small sense of this. And what I’ve also learned is that choosing someone solely on attractive photos isn’t always a good thing. I’ve met some guys who had amazing photos but in person were not so amazing. Of course, looking better than one’s photos only applies to those whose photos are recent. If the photos are old, then all bets are off . In this case, the opposite may be true.
“Who Are You” by The Who
A well written bio along with thoughtful answers to the prompt questions are helpful to determine who someone is. But as with photos, many people could benefit from having a trusted friend review and critique what they write in their profile. Sometimes it’s easy to tell who someone is, sometimes not. Some bios are clever and make me laugh, while others make me cringe and want to grab some hand sanitizer. And when someone doesn’t have a bio or answer any prompts, it’s hard to glean any solid information about them. They may have good photos, but who are they, really? Mostly, I’ve learned that not writing anything can be a clue as to how serious someone is about the whole thing and whether or not they are being honest about what they’re looking for.
“Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne
It’s been interesting to see how people often look older or younger than their chronological age. When I first saw someone who looked a whole lot younger than his age, my curiosity took over and I had to swipe right. I soon discovered a fascinating fact–there are a number of younger men looking to date older women. And I’m not talking a few years older. I’m talking DECADES older. Cripe! I could be their mom. They enter their age into the app significantly older than they are because they know us older gals probably won’t have our age range scaled back 20 years and will never see their profile. Most are honest right away about it, which is good, I guess.
“Love Takes Time” by Orleans
Love takes time to develop and grow. And it’s during the time of getting to know someone when you discover if there’s chemistry. When you first meet someone, it’s important to have the feeling of wanting to know more. A lot of people think there should be instant chemistry, but I’ve come to see that this isn’t a good indicator of a lasting love match. If you are experiencing butterflies the moment you meet someone, there may be chemistry alright, but it may be because of something other than love. Just sayin’.
“Roll With It, Baby” by Steve Winwood
The whole matching and chatting process can be frustrating at times. There are dry spells when the potential matches run out quickly. Sometimes there won’t be any matches for weeks. It can also be hard when you’re really interested in someone, message them and they don’t respond. Sometimes people will suddenly stop responding after having some pretty nice chats. Often, there isn’t any rhyme or reason as to why any of this happens, so I’ve determined it’s best not to speculate or take it personally. Just roll with it, put that person or situation in the “must not be the one” pile and swipe on.
“My Own Soul’s Warning” by The Killers
Of all the lessons I’ve learned, this is the most important one to master. It’s taken an entire year on Bumble for me to really listen to and trust my own soul’s warning. Even now, I’m not sure I always heed it. There have been times when I knew I was walking into something that wasn’t the best for me– situations where my soul was warning me with a loud “NO!!” But since I’m a recovering benefit-of-the-doubt-giving-people-pleaser, I didn’t listen and walked in anyway. Nothing too bad ever really happened, but there have been a few times if I’d listened and trusted my own soul’s warning, I’d have definitely done things differently.
“Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2
I suppose I must end with this song. When it comes to a relationship, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Bumble has been an educational, sometimes frustrating, but mostly fun experience. I really love meeting new people and hearing their stories. I left each date having learned something new–the golden nugget of the date I called it–including learning something new about myself. I met some really interesting people, some of whom have actually become good friends. And if that’s what I end up with after spending a year on the app, then it’s been time well spent.
a curious firefly 